In: 1800 (out of 650)
Out: 300?
Net: probably like 1500 calories
I fucking hate alcohol. And food. I was at like 1000 calories even without the boose.. I'm sort of hungover but P's worse. He slept in the bathroom and can still barely stand on his feet. And it's been 12 hours since he last drank something. I've just eaten 25 grams of chocolate (130 calories) and later I'm ordering pizza or something. Thinking falafels with rice. Or a hamburger. Ugh. It feels like "fuck it" right now, like I can eat this. But I know that when this greasy food hits my stomach I will feel like such a failure. Cant even work out right now because I got HUGE chafes under my arms. It hurts like hell when I move.
I almost got into a bitchfight yesterday! My brothers crazy ex-girlfriend sat at our table, and his girlfriend was so afraid that she would do that when we saw her at the club. So I said to her "If you're planning on staying, you should just leave because noone wants you here" (have in mind I dont like her either and I was super drunk).. So she came over to me (she sat like 2 chairs away) and was all "did you want something?" and I told her I wanted her to leave and she said she wasn't planning on staying and I apologized because if she was leaving, there was no problem (feel free to say hi but dont stay kind of thing). Then she told me that I should not jump into conclusions because I probably was at least that mature and then I told her I DID apologize. Made her shut up and leave. Funny thing though - she apologized to ME for being a bitch like an hour later! She's really sneaky (trying to become friends with me when she 1. cheated on my brother, 2.spreads rumours about his new gf 3. hang out with his friends to be close to him) and a total bitch. If that made any sence for you guys, haha!
Morning weight yesterday (day 20) was 69.9kg. FUCKING BELOW 70!!!!!!!! Today was 69.5, but since I was throwing up yesterday it's probably not the "real" number? Right? Even if it is it will be gone tomorrow after all the eating I will do today. Because, I know I will eat even if I know it will ruin both my mood and my body. And because I was throwing up the alcohol calories actually are lower, but I counted them as I didn't throw up.
Firstly - replies to what you said on my blog: -
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that that post did take some hunger away! I sometimes have stuff like that on my phone. Never look at them. Or do so when I am in control, just to remind myself that I MUST do this. Ahaha. If I see a gain, then I know I will binge. It took me all my strength yesterday to not run to the kitchen in need for comfort, and I didn't. :)
I'm Muslim. :D I fasted through Ramadhan and binged, and purged. And loads of crap. xD. August was never the month for me. YAY! I'm so excited to see that. Mostly because I track my starting weight, and current weight and stuff on my phone right now. It's motivating to look back at the loss and say "I DID THAT, BITCH". ;)
Now for the post: -
I know what you feel about the moment where you feel like you're going to eat this. You know you're going to feel like a failure but at that moment, that's not how you feel and that's NORMAL.
Damn, that bitch. Crafty whore.
Oh well. A hinder in the process but you saw it, and we WILL see it again, my dear! ;) <3 Both of us. I must see the 60's to stay sane. I must get below my lowest lowest weight. It's been too fucking long. I need to do something about it. :) and we are. Tomorrow's a new day. As always.
And 1,500 is the minimal amount of calories for me to eat (I'm 16), so any gain is DEFINITELY just water weight fucking with you. Definitely. Plus, sodium. Loads of sodium from crap food that we will cleanse. Give it a day or two, you'll be back to the 60's!