So yeah, took laxaties before I went to bed and the sentence this morning was a 2.3 kg gain. Not great but not that horrible either, I ate a LOT.. It's 1 pm in Sweden right now and I've only had coffee so far, and will have a cup-a-soup for dinner later, making this a 65 calorie day. I just remembered I'm about to have my period tomorrow making some of the gain possible waterweight? I just want this last ~20 kgs of my body. I want to be skinny, pretty and perfect. I will be skinny. Will be pretty and will be perfect. I'm going to show everyone that doubted my success that I can do this.
Talked to P last night, talked about the family issue and started to cry. He told me he's worried about me, because I cry so easily. He've got problems showing his emotions so he doesn't understand. I feel like shit, and I'm scared to death that this will continue. I've not been feeling this bad since I was 14, and I was really depressed back then. I dont want to die, but I dont really want to live either. But I know from my past that this will end. I will be happy and things will be better, I just have to hang in there.
You probably have some extra water weight if your period is going to start. You can lose those 20 kgs. Think about how great you'll feel when you are 20 kgs lighter when you need motivation. I hope you start feeling happier. Depression sucks. Just try to stay positive even though it's hard.
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