Friday, October 21, 2011

I dont want this

I'm currently in the bedroom. I was in the kitchen, making tea, when P took some yoghurt and a couple of crackers. So I wanted to eat. I took a tablespoon and shoved it in the applesauce my granny did yesterday and he says "why dont you just eat candy? That is probably containing just as much calories". Great way too go P, do you want me to starve? And you know.. He is not stupid, asking me about how much I've eaten when he gets home, telling me I dont have too lose anymore, that he's worried.. And then he say things like that? Must be horrible to be with someone like me. Fat, ugly, boring and disgusting.

And this day started really good. Weight was 67.9. Turned my exam in, (ate chinesefood) booked our trip (changed it too 1 week instead) and went to F. One of her daughters (1,5 years) loves me, she can say 3 things really good and thats "mom", "dad" and "Mia", so you get the picture. The other one's 5 months so she doesnt even understand who I am. Anyway, the oldest one got really happy when I came, wanted to sit in my lap all the time and was around me all day. I was really happy when I came home one hour ago and now I'm in here with tears in my eyes. Fucking great.

I want to hurt myself and never eat again. Sleep and never wake up, it's like dying without the commitment.
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3 comments:

  1. Sam LupinOctober 21, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    cute P. :c
    awe, darling, he doesn't not want to be with you, love. he would have done something then. <3
    67.9! you bitch! you're going to get that weight off in NO TIME.
    Chinese food. Gah. So much sodium and yumminess.
    aweee.
    :c awe, love. I'm sorry. *huggles* i hope there will be better days, days where even the sky sings for you sweet lullabies.

    -Sam Lupin

    ReplyDelete
  2. KittyOctober 21, 2011 at 6:54 PM

    Honey... Do you wanna talk??? Msn.. Facebook.. Whatever really



    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  3. Clear GirlOctober 22, 2011 at 7:15 PM

    I think that exact last sentence all the time. You've come so far, you'll get through this. Learn how to hide what you eat from people, it makes like so much easier.

    ReplyDelete

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