What?! Wait a minute..

I'm down 0.6 kg since yesterday?! This have to be water weight, right? I've lost 1.4 kg (3 lbs) in 2 days and I've been eating. Yesterday I had red meat (they didn't have fish or chicken) and chips with béarnaise and red wine sauce. I ate it all. Drank 25 cl of white wine and 66 cl of cider too. Didn't do any hardcore exercise either.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that all this weight is coming off, but I can't handle success that well.. I get scared and starts ruin it for myself only because "it will get fucked up anyway". It did not happen with P (we've been dating for 2 years so it's too late for that) and I really hope it does not happen with my weight loss..

I wore a tanktop that was size medium yesterday. The other ones I have is extra large. It looked really good and my friend told me that I really had lost weight, like a lot, and she sounded super impressed. I really can't afford new clothes, but I have to because all my old ones make me look even fatter than I am (and they used to make me look "skinnier").

Only 1,2 kg left until my BMI is "normal"

I've lost 0.8 kg since yesterday?! I got my period today, so was some of it water weight? How long does the water weight stay? I've lost more than 1,5 kg since monday morning! This is.. great. I ate a large ice cream yesterday too (my first one this year, I usually have that one in.. march?)

I'm going out for dinner with a friend tonight. I'm thinking fish, if they got any. I'm fucking craving fish right now, haha. I'm saving all my calories till then. She got young kids so this is the first time in like over a year we're going out together, just the two of us. And she is my best friend so it's about time.

In 10 minutes I'm going to meet up with another close friend, and I just took a shower so I'm on the couch in my underwear. Maybe should get ready.. I've been working out and been cleaning all morning, so thats why I haven't been reading and comment on your blogs. It's coming, I promise!

Think positive and stay motivated! <3

Lets make today a better day

Had my official weigh in today. I've gained 0.3 kg since last monday. Not a total failiure, it's just like last weeks hard work was all for nothing.. The gain feels a lot easier thanks to you guys, all your encouraging comments and blogs full of motivation. I can do this, get rid of all this disgusting fat, this is just a temporary setback.

I'm really hungry right now.. Like REALLY hungry. I'm going to manage until I'm going to the gym, having a ricecake before I leave (for some quick energy when I run), than a proteinshake when I get home and a small amount of dinner tonight (which I'm cooking so I'm able to make it healthy).

We're leaving Sweden in 3 weeks to visit relatives who lives abroad. I'll be gone for a week and I will not be able to weigh in, but I'll bring some work out clothes with me. I'll lose 3 kg till then. Not that hard. I'm thinking about doing a soup diet next week, to lose a little extra.

Thanks again, all of you, for the support. You are amazing!

Fuckfuckfuck

Fuck. I've gained 1.5 kg since my last post. Thats a total of ~2 kg. What the fuck? I hope it's because I cant go to the bathroom (sorry if thats too much information, lol). Going to take laxatives tomorrow so I'm empty for weigh in.

I dont even think I ate that much.. Well, I ate a lot but it was like "normal".. I hope I'll lose the gain fast.. Though week, next week.

too bad I suck at math..

So.. Gained 0.4 kg since yesterday, but I guess it's food left in my system. Ate 200 calories all day and then ate dinner for two.. Burned 400 calories at the gym too, so NO WAY I could have gained yesterday. I didn't eat THAT much.. Still down 15 kg, I'm just a little further away from 16 now..

So. It's a holiday here right now = eating. So, I made up a diet that will look lika a non-diet. I'm going to take 1 piece of everything I want to eat, insted of 3-4 that I used to. We're going to barbecue for the main course = lots of salad. Looks like we're going to have an okay weather too.

Good luck today all of you!

and down again..

Yeah.. Of course I blew the last day of my "fruitfast". Quite much too by eating 2 slices of bread with cheese (300) and mashed potatoes with fishballs (??).. I just ate an apple and ½ grapefruit other than that, plus 30 min on the elliptical and a 30 min walk. I just hope I dont gain.

But to brighten this post it was a good thing too. I was really sore in my muscles and it didn't go away until I eat, so now it's gone. That means I can push myself even harder tomorrow at the gym.

Hope you guys did better than me!

another good day

So.. Broke my diet today.. Again. But it was to prevent a binge and "only" 240 calories so I'm fine. Went for a short walk burning those calories too. Didn't have the energy to go to the gym today, but I went to meet up with a friend when she was done working for the day (she was sort of sad so I asked if she wanted to meet up and talk). And my arms are all sore today. I'm all handicapped, lol.

Finally me and P's plans for the weekend (midsummer) are done. I've been naging him about talking to his friends about whats up, and he finally did today. Nothing's going down so we're spending it at my parents house. My brother and his girlfriend is going to be there too, so it'll be fun.

Intake:
Breakfast: ½ grapefruit (32)
Lunch: melon (94)
Snack: 2 ricecakes (60) and some yoghurt (240 overastemating)
Dinner: melon (114)
Total: 540

Lovely monday

Hello darlings.
Today was a good day. Spending more than an hour at the gym, then shopping (lots of walking and taking clothes on and off) for 4 hours. Bought a lot of new stuff 2 (!!!) sizes smaller than I used to. Happy face!

Intake:
Breakfast: Ricecracker, maybe not fruit or veggi, but anyway.. (30 cals)
Lunch: Salad. No dressing or pasta, a little chicken and fetacheese (300 cals, overestimating)
Dinner: 1 tomato and some cucumber with low-cal dressing (50 calories)

I'm posting again

I haven't been eating anything else today. No salad for dinner, nothing. Only water. It makes my hamburger mistake feel a little less of a failure.

So.. Todays intake:
1 apple - 117 calories
Hamburger meal - 1200 calories?!?!?!?

I thought it was like 900 - 1000.. Damn. I really got the urge to purge right now, but it's like 8 hours since I ate so that would not do any good. Lol. Sticking to diet tomorrow and going to the gym before I'm going shopping with a friend. Ugh..

Sunday fuck up

Fuck. P and I went shopping today = lunch away from home. Ended up eating at a hamburgerplace.. I only had an apple for breakfast and will have some salad for dinner, so I'm okay.

I fit into my jeans that I became to fat to wear 1,5 year ago. Do I need to tell you I feel great? I'm ashamed I'm trying to ruin it with junkfood.. I want to purge.. Damn you P, why are you home?!

baby are you downdowndowndowndown

Hey guys, I'm down 15 kg! Awesome, I'm fucking halfway! Yesterday was an amazing day too, I did stick to my mealplan. P actually told me this morning that my weightloss really shows now, and he don't want to tell me things like that because he dont want to "encourage bad habits". I'm just telling him that I need to lose weight (still got the BMI on my side), that I feel fine and that he dont have to worry.

I fucking love this.

Same old, same old..

So.. Yesterday didn't go as I had planed.. I had a headache all day and slightly fever, so no working out and overeating in the evening.. Had real dinner (about 500 kalories), than strawberries and icecream (400? calories), 2 pieces of chocolate (100 calories) and some popcorn (200 calories).. At weigh in this morning I had not gain anything, thank you!

Today I'm feeling a lot better so today I'm going to stick to my diet. Probably no working out but I won't eat more than 500 calories so I should lose some weight.

My stretchmarks is turning more and more invisible and 80 % of all the cellulites I had are gone. It's so worth starving.

Day 1

I fucked up today. I ate 3 cookies.. But only 161 calories of fruits and vegetables other than that. So maybe.. 600 calories today. No working out, other than 20 minutes working on my abs.. I dont have to panic, tomorrow's going to be a better day. Working out in the morning, STICK TO DIET and drink lots of water.

My mom said I shouldn't lose more than 20 kg (30 is my goal), as I said yesterday my grandmother made me eat, and today a friend of mine kept asking me, like 10 times, if i didn't want to have lunch with her. I wasn't hungry and no food down town would fit my diet (I only told her about my absence of hunger). Why the fuck are people trying to force me to eat? I'm fat. According to my BMI I'm 3 kg "overweight", but apparently their normal is fat.

I'm thinking about posting some pictures of me.. But I dont know if I have the guts. So I'm posting thinspo instead :)

My new diet

I might lose weight today if I stop eating now. Visited my grandma today and she really forced me too eat A LOT today (at the same time she was telling me how great it is that I'm losing weight..). I overheard a couple of old men talking about how "big" I am. Well, one of 'em said I was big while the other one said that I was normal.. I would have done anything to be skinny and hear about how skinny I am instead of how fucking fat I am. That's why I'm starting a new diet tomorrow.

I used to read a blog that contained a lot of diets, but that one's closed down (?) so in lack of inspiration I'm doing a week of raw foods only. So, I'll only eat raw vegetables and fruits for a week. It's a lot easier for me to stick to a diet/meal plan if I know it's just for a number days. If I can eat less than 1000 calories a day everyday it's a lot easier for me to fuck it up.. Are you guys the same?

Tonight I'm going to write down a food plan exactly what and how much I'm going to eat everyday, including how many calories it contains. This also means I have to do some food shopping tomorrow (I think we have some lettuce and a tomato in the fridge..)

Ugh.. I feel sick! I've been eating both Ice cream AND blueberry cake today.. Not huge servings but the sugar still make me feel ill..

Today I'm happyface

I walked to my friends place and back home today, burned 122 calories. When I got home I worked out for an hour, I dont know how much I burned but it was really intense. I'm taking a break right now and intend to do another video from youtube in a while. And I'm down 14 kgs (30 lbs) and tomorrow it's time for another "in progress" photo (I'm doing it once a month on the 15th).

Yesterday was really good too. My physical condition have improved quite a bit, I could run for 1 km without stoping and I wasn't even dead when I jumped off the treadmill (I had gone on the ellipticle for 30 minutes like 15 minutes before that too).

My food intake have been okay these last days too. Less than 1000 calories except for saturday (about 1300) and I didn't gain more than 0.3 kg over the weekend, and at the weigh in I still had food in my system..

Shit. I just realized I'm not going to be able to do another work out today.. I have to prepare our dinner.

Story of my life

I'm at -13,5 kg again. I'm now exactly were I was last Friday. This weekend I will not fucking gain 3 kg again (and I'm not having my period again so it will not be that hard).. I've been on a 30 minute walk/run today. My condition suck, I can run like 100 meters.. Fuck. But I'm taking this running thing seriously so I'm giving up smoking. I'm planning to go for another "run" tonight.

I've not been eating anything yet today. But I'm hungry as hell so I'll do a workout at home after this post. P will be gone all night, so I don't have to eat anything at all. I probably will, anyway.. I don't want to eat either, because I'm quite sad today, because it's a year since I graduated high school with pneumonia.. I missed my fucking graduation which is a really big thing for me. I'm still fucking crying over it.. 

It rained on my graduation.. Today the sky is really blue and it's really hot outside. What? No, I'm not bitter! Ugh...

stupid..

I haven't been posting in a few days because I've been busy eating. Yeah.. Last friday I actually was down to 183 lbs (YES, I'm a fucking wale) but monday at weigh in I was 189 lbs.. Today I'm at 187 but I guess some of it is waterweight since I'm on my period.

And, at weigh in i experienced my first gain (my "official" weigh in is at mondays and before this, the number always was less than the monday before..).

Fasting

Hi guys. I'm still at the same fucking number, but it's about to change. I'm housesitting (well, cat-sitting) my parents house today, alone, so I'm fasting. When I get the opportunity - why not. I have to step it up if I want to get thin before I fucking die.

I finished my last exam for the semester today = vacation for 3 months. Next week I'll start working out for real.

AND I've been having cravings for a couple of weeks now, like all day, every day. I've been craving everything and I've done my best to not give in (did not work that well..), but yesterday I found something that really helped: tea! I'm really happy 'cause not even giving in stopped my cravings for food.

Well, tea-time!