Fasting

I was 72.6 this morning, but with both food in my stomach and a insanly high intake of salt, I guess it's a little lower. Anyway. Fasting today (except for a splash of milk in my tea and some lemonjuice in my water) to redeem. I also went to the gym burning 1500 kalories, so tomorrow I will se a loss. Hopefully a big one. The energy is the only upside of eating like I never would see food again. Or was it my PWO? Anyway, I could just keep going at the gym all day.

I love mondays. P goes, for the most of the time, out with his co-workers on mondays which leavs me home alone until 9pm. That means I can eat what ever I want, or simply skip eating. I'm not even hungry today, but my body is sort of upset. One minute I'm freeeeezing and suddenly I'm warm as a whale. My face is insanely red.

I went out saturday. Did haschish (I dont even know if that's what you call it) even though I six years ago promised myself to never ever do it again. I took two small whiffs and I almost didn't feel anything. It could've been the nicotine effect from the tobacco. I'm so ashamed and I cant understand how I could be so stupid. I'm beating myself up so badly about this and I didn't even get high. And I'm superparanoid as fuck and hesitates about posting this.