fasting + award

I'm eating less than my body's getting rid of, yet I'm gaining fast. I guess it's liquid but I feel like hitting my head into a wall. I'm doing a liquid fast today (second one theis week, yey!) with proteinshakes. Because I'm too fat to eat anything. I'll go to the gym and burn all this disgusting fat off my body.

And the award: When receiving it, you have to promote the person who gave it to you by putting their link in your post. (Thank you sammy!)

When you've done that, you have to tell us about 11 things about yourself and answer the 11 questions that you were asked. Nominate 11 people to do this, and make them answer your 11 own questions. Last thing you'll have to do, is going on their blogs and tell them they are nominated.

My 11 things:
1. I hate myself. I'm a horrible person and I dont understand how I can have any friends. I'm so negative, angry and bitchy all the time. If I didn't have to be with me, I'd leave.
2. I love P so much, but I still have feelings for a guy I used to date. I dont want to be with that guy, but I still lose my breath when I see him. And this is the first time I'm telling someone.
3. I could easily turn into an alcoholic. I crave alcohol at least once a day. That's why I dont drink that often.
4. I got stomachproblems, and I'm afraid it's something really bad. Sometimes I imagine dying from it, and sometimes it doesn't even bother me that I die.
5. I was sexually abused when I was 8. He was really close to me, almost like a second father because he and his wife took care of me and my brother when our parents worked. That really fucked me up.
6. That's why me and my brother is so close. I told him when I was 12, and I've never seen him that angry again. Hate and tears in his eyes while he said "I'll kill him if he touch you again".
7. It also made me fucked up sexually. I've never had sex with someone because I wanted to, it was always to hurt myself. For punishment.
8. I've had sex with one of my best friends ex-boyfriend. They we're together when it happened. We were 14 and I would never, ever do that today.
9. My dreamguy is dark-haired with brown eyes. But I've always been fallen for blonde guys with blue eyes.
10. The only thing I like about myself is my eyes. They're too small, but I love the color.
11. I always manage to kill our flowers.

Sammys questions:
1. Where were you on the night of yesterday?
Home in by bed.
2. Describe your sexual orientation
I'm straight. Women are beautiful, but I dont get turned on.
3.What turns you on?
Being held by a couple of strong arms.
4. What turns you off?
Talk during sex or when they go on and on about how cool/rich/what ever they are.
6. What are your views on incest?
Not okay. Especially when it's kids involved. Between adults? Well they're adults.
7. Coffee?
Somedays I love coffee and sometimes it taste like crap.
8. You are injected with something that makes you so hypersexual you are attracted to every gender and need to have sex like right now; what do you do?
I'd help myself out, haha.
9. What would you do if your Father was Satan?
I've acutally had really bad problems with my dad growing up. We're still not more than okay. (if you meen father like dad and not like god or anything)
10. Did you once think your nipples were weird or is it just me?
I still do..
11. How many times have you worn the same bra/underwear/boxers whatever for more than one day?
Underpants I change every day, but bra.. I wash mine tooooo rarely..

I nominate:
Jen, Klaudia and Sammy (at least, do my 11 questions!). I don't have 11 people to nominate..

Your questions:
1. What is the most happy moment in your life?
2. If you could choose between being happy about your weight right now or continue to strive for skinny, what would you choose?
3. If you had to eat only one thing for the rest of your lives, what would it be?
4. What's your favourite day of the week?
5. How do the man/woman of your dreams look like?
6. What country are you living in?
7. If you could work with whatever you want, what would you do?
8. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
9. What's your biggest fear?
10. How do you feel about aspartame and things like that?
11. Do you have a rolemodel? If yes, tell us about him/her!