WTF

I'm fucking it up. Gaining back what I lost this past week.  Made an appointment with my doctor, for checking my stomach.

I will be back on track.
You aren't defeated when you lose, your only defeated when you quit! You aren't defeated when you lose, your only defeated when you quit! You aren't defeated when you lose, your only defeated when you quit! You aren't defeated when you lose, your only defeated when you quit! You aren't defeated when you lose, your only defeated when you quit! You aren't defeated when you lose, your only defeated when you quit! You aren't defeated when you lose, your only defeated when you quit! You aren't defeated when you lose, your only defeated when you quit!

...

This is going to hell. Yesterday was a total binge and gave me a really angry stomach. Keept on binging anyway. Today I'd gained 0.8 kgs, right back to 67.4 kg. Yesterday went good til I went to a birthdaycelebration at F's place for her doughter whos turning 2. Binged on cake, made my stomach angry. again. Ended up invited to a "grown-up" birthdayparty tonight but since I need a bathroom near me right now I had to cancel.. Alcohol would probably make my stomach worse and contains a hell of a lot of calories, but I really feel like I should start doing things on the weekends.. Ugh.. I have to see a doctor about my stomach. Hurts so bad I almost start crying as soon as I eat anything else than my dietfoods.. Yesterday I even binged on real food, so I should not have been getting any problems.

I'll be really busy at school from now on. 9am-4pm, 3 times a week, leaving me to work out at the gym twice a week.. It sucks, but I have to go running the rest of the week and I'll probably be fine anyway.

I kind of hate my life today.

Day 2

IN: 404
Breakfast: coffee - 0 cal
Lunch: proteinbar & orange - 227 cal
Dinner: yoghurt & 2 sandwiches - 175 cal
Snack: tea with milk - 2 cal
OUT: 758 (just from walking for 2.5 hours)
NET: - 354 calories

Day 1.

I decided not to do SGD but something the 10 day challenge until the 4th of May. I dont want to eat just so I hit a targetintake, I just want to keep it low. I'm aiming for 2 l of water, below 500 calories and at least an hour of exercise every day. I hit all these yesterday:
Breakfast: coffee - 0 cal
Lunch: proteinshake with milk - 121 cal
Dinner: white fish with broccoli, lettuce and cottage cheese - 253 cal
Snack: tea and 7 sugarfree candypieces - 45 cal
Workout: running and weights - 494 cal
Net: -75 calories

Scale said 69.9 yesterday morning. Do I have to tell you I wanted to shoot myself? I dont want to be in the 70's again.. Today I was 68.2 though. Safe. Also got my new diet/pwo-pills today. Maybe they'll help pushing me in the right direction..

New beginning

Hi guys. I dont know how many of you thats still on, but I guess I'm going to find out. I think I'm back. Been bingeing all easter, gaining 2 more kg (scale said 69.1 this morning. lot's of liquid, but what ever).  It's no need for you to be horrified about my weight. I know it's not 6 kgs of fat, a lot of it is musclemass. But yeah, most of it is fat.. Fat that I want to get rid of. Tomorrow it will be 24 days until I'll go to London with my family. I want to lose as much as possible 'till then. I'm thinking of doing a shorter version of The Skinny Girl Diet. I want to be counting calories again. I need to.

I've been getting these stomachaches from white sugar lately, so it's easy to escape from sweets since I think I'm allergic. Working out is a routine nowadays so that wont be a problem either. Portionsize and dicipline is another question.. I guess I'll have to confess here everyday so I'm sticking to my plans.