63.6

63.6 kg, scale said this morning. Un-fucking-beliveable. I'll probably fuck it up today though.. No working out and it's 3 pm, and I'm already up to almost 400 calories.. I hope I dont eat more than 700 calories today but my body's craving stuff. Since 5 pm yesterday untill I ate lunch at 12 today I got really dizzy everytime I got up from a chair. I went to the grocerystore and I felt reaaally weak in there. Bought some dried apples and ate 2 before I even could drive home. So, it's not strange I feel like I should eat something, because after I ate lunch the dizzyness was gone. I got A LOT to do before we leave and I dont got the time to be dizzy. I have been sleeping like 8 hours these past couple of nights to.

The other day I lay down on the couch, on the side, and P asked me if I was sucking it in. And you know what? I did not. GAH, I just hope I dont have a week-long binge next week..

Yey!

I'm 64.0 kgs girls!!!!!! It's creepy how much a 1 kg loss can do! 1 kg now is much more of me than when I was 90+.. And it means 4 fucking kg to my ugw! I even think I can be satisfied at that point. I can already look at myself in the mirror and, though I'm not completely satisfied, not hate what I see. I can definetly see how P's able to find me attractive. I dont have to make an effort to make my ribs show, it's a hint of them all the time. Today I even noticed I almost can see my "chest bones". I dont know what their called but I hope you understand me. Collarbones have been showing for a while and I can sort of see my hipbones. My BMI is 20!

Downside on this 33(!!!!) kg loss is I got some loose skin.. It's not that noticable, I'm not like a bat or anything, but if you know where to look it looks horrible. My arms still look fat, but when I press them against the side of my body, I can see it's not that much fat left. My strechmarks are far less noticable though, which makes me really happy. I'm scared as fuck about maintaining later on.. Finding a balance you know.. And I'm scared on going away. We leave like 4 am this Saturday, and I'm scared of gaining and becoming a whale.. WE'RE GOING ALL INCLUSIVE!!!!!!!!!

.. I'm taking a progress picture this Friday, and I will probably post it side by side with my before pic.

miss you guys

Friday - sunday was bad for my bootcamp. I was 66.3 kgs today when I woke up, but 65.4 kgs before I hit the shower after the gym and a longer visit in the bathroom. But I think I'm skinnier. I think all the food helped me build up some muscle?

I have not been eating today and I'm planning on having fishballs tonight which is 170 calories, and nothing else. I'm doing some hardcore restriction through out this week until friday night, when we'll have pizza. I cant wait till we leave, and my goal is getting below 65 kgs until then and I will bring work out clothes with me. I'm so freaking stressed out right now. I got a LOT to do at school before we leave, and I'd like to clean the apartment, do the laundry and a lot of home-spa things.

I should read your blogs and comment. I've been really bad at that for a while..

Starving

In: yoghurt (40), cottagecheese with quorn (128) and oatmeal (84). (total of 252 kcal)
Out: 727 kcal (gym and some walking)
I might allow myself a little fruitsalad later this evening. My period's killing me with binging! Yesterday landed on 1500-2000 calories and scale said 66.0 kg this morning.. All because of my awesome little period <3 Had some frozen chocolatecake leftovers from new years.. But I guess it could be because I ate both food and a couple of cookies at F's.. Second day of my bootcamp and I fuck up. Thank you motivation for making today a better day!

Do you want to know what I hate? When people criticize me for something and then go do the same thing themselves. Like J.. GGGGOOOOOODDDDDDD she drives me crazy right now. Totally hanging out to much! Anyway. She's always nagging me about not having breakfast. Last monday she told me she only had coffee, I told her "that's not breakfast", like she ALWAYS tells me, and she said "What ever, it's lunch soon anyway". Then she told me she didn't eat before starting to drink on new years, she always tell me it's reeeeeally important. Made me fucking pissed.

It's a new year!

Morning weight was 66.4 (and I've got my period) and now my 12-day-bootcamp starts for real. It's past 5 pm over here and I've been ingesting a cup of coffee and water. I've worked off 600 calories at the gym and I will have a salad for dinner. I'm hungry as fuck, but as you all know (and Moss said) "Nothing taste as good as skinny feels". I want to drop so much these 12 days, I want to be gorgeous at our vacation. I want P not to be able to take his eyes off me. I want to be thinner.

Yeah, and my new years eve sort of sucked. Really boring people and I did not fit in.. 2 guys hit on me, and I think one of them is gay. Guy #1 sat with me and P, talking, and knowing P and I are a couple, still he could not take his eyes off my boobs.. P noticed it too, but said it doesn't matter because that guy's REALLY ugly and fat. Guy #2 said his evening became 4 times better when I came, and that was the first thing he said to me. Wierd. Didn't have any snacks, so.. yay for that!

I got sooo much to do right now. Took christmas off, even though I actually had to study. Next 12 days? Working out, studying and not eating.