I'm so fucking stupid..

Morning weight is 67.1 kgs.. I'm so stupid, so fat and failing. I'm losing motivation a lot latly, which is stupid because I know I only have too look at a ed-related blog and I'll remember what I want. So why dont I read your blogs? I do want to get skinny, do I think it will happen from laying on the couch, eating?!

I want this to change. I've gained a kg since my last post and its noticable.. Good thing I can see it, but bad thing it's on the fucking scale.

A lot of people around me wants to lose weight. Lately they've come to me asking for advise.

I have to study for a while now, but I will be back later today, reading and leaving comments. I WANT to change this!

It's been a while..

And I'm sorry. I've had zero motivation to blog and very rollercoasterlike thoughts about food. Sometimes it feels like I can eat what ever I want, and sometimes I dont even feel bad about it. Most days I eat a little and lose weight. I was 66.1 kgs this morning. = I've lost 31.2 kgs since march 15th. Right now I'm eating a huge bown of yoghurt/granola/raisins for brunch.

I'm scared that I might hurt my muscles working out and not eat "properly".  Sometimes when I'm on the treadmill my stomach hurts so bad, yesterday I even had to get off and lock myself in the bathroom crying for 5 minutes.

I need to get skinny. P and I are leaving january 14th for a week at the Canaries. I need to get bikini-fit. It's not going to be easy cause christmas starts sunday.. We're celebrating (aka eating shit) every sunday 4 weeks before christmas eve. Chocolate all over the place, ugh..

Well.. Schools going great. Life in general is going great. I'm tired a lot though, dont know if it's because it's dark like 24/7 outside or if I'm not eating "enough".

I just wanted to let you guys know how it's going and I'm alive.

bad blogger..

Yesterday I was 68.3 kgs when I woke up, today I was 67.3. When I started march 15th I was 97.3, with makes it a 30 kg loss in 8 months. Not that bad, right? I'm really tired right now and I'm losing hair like a middleaged man.. It freaks me out, I actuallt lose so much hair ALL THE TIME that I'm scared I might get bald soon. If that's not enough I'm getting a cold.

I realized my stomach isn't flatter. I think it's because my skin are sinking back, if you know what I mean? 30 kgs is kind of a lot of fat, so my skin might have been sort of loose.. Well, it's flatter, but I should not be able too see a difference, I think.

P gets home at 8 pm. Yesterday at 7 I was in the bathroom doing the big one and since I thought I wouldn't be long I left the door open. Guess who got home an hour earlier without telling me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bathroom's like the first thing you see when you get home too.. Luckely I managed to close the door just in time, but I was pretty embarrassed and pissed anyway. He just called to tell me he gets here in 10-15 min, and it's 6.40 pm, haha! Good thing is we're sort of used to being disgusting with each other. I had pneumonia summer '10 and I threw up all the time = I had a bucket next to me on the couch aaaaaand a lot of partying = more unintentional purgeing.

I better start making dinner.

a new day

Weekend of eating = 68.3 kgs today. 35 min on the treadmill (-375 cals) and like 5 hours of cleaning our apartment. I've been drinking a proteinshake, a clementine and a slice of white bread with butter, ham and cheese.. Ugh.. Dinner will be a bowl of low fat sour milk with granola and I might allow myself another clementine later this evening. I will still have an okay intake.

Got a new phone, and downloaded a new app for weightloss. It's a fresh start.

It doesn't matter how slowly you go, just as long as you don't stop.

67.9 kg. even though I ate twice yesterday. Happyface! Today I walked to school, down town, and home. Burned about 400 calories. Ate a pear for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch (had to stay after class with 2 others and work on our project) and I will eat dinner too. Thinking a little pasta and some quorn meatballs. No disaster.

Funny thing.. My stomach is a lot flatter. It's really noticable, I can see it. No real change on the scale, but clothes are still loser. I dont really want to eat right now, haha..

Good girl gone bad

Hi girls. I was 68 (wrote 86 at first, haha) kgs this morning, sharp. I've been eating lots and lots today (both lunch and dinner) and I'm hoping it wont be a gain tomorrow.. Like half of my plates were veggies, so it should be okay, right? I cant do anything about it now, anyway. No working out today either.. Sucks when I burned about 950 calories yesterday (and ate.. 500 maximum). But there was no time, I've been doing laundry and studying all day. I got an exam that I have to turn in on friday so I'm reeeeeaaaally busy.