My new diet

I might lose weight today if I stop eating now. Visited my grandma today and she really forced me too eat A LOT today (at the same time she was telling me how great it is that I'm losing weight..). I overheard a couple of old men talking about how "big" I am. Well, one of 'em said I was big while the other one said that I was normal.. I would have done anything to be skinny and hear about how skinny I am instead of how fucking fat I am. That's why I'm starting a new diet tomorrow.

I used to read a blog that contained a lot of diets, but that one's closed down (?) so in lack of inspiration I'm doing a week of raw foods only. So, I'll only eat raw vegetables and fruits for a week. It's a lot easier for me to stick to a diet/meal plan if I know it's just for a number days. If I can eat less than 1000 calories a day everyday it's a lot easier for me to fuck it up.. Are you guys the same?

Tonight I'm going to write down a food plan exactly what and how much I'm going to eat everyday, including how many calories it contains. This also means I have to do some food shopping tomorrow (I think we have some lettuce and a tomato in the fridge..)

Ugh.. I feel sick! I've been eating both Ice cream AND blueberry cake today.. Not huge servings but the sugar still make me feel ill..

Today I'm happyface

I walked to my friends place and back home today, burned 122 calories. When I got home I worked out for an hour, I dont know how much I burned but it was really intense. I'm taking a break right now and intend to do another video from youtube in a while. And I'm down 14 kgs (30 lbs) and tomorrow it's time for another "in progress" photo (I'm doing it once a month on the 15th).

Yesterday was really good too. My physical condition have improved quite a bit, I could run for 1 km without stoping and I wasn't even dead when I jumped off the treadmill (I had gone on the ellipticle for 30 minutes like 15 minutes before that too).

My food intake have been okay these last days too. Less than 1000 calories except for saturday (about 1300) and I didn't gain more than 0.3 kg over the weekend, and at the weigh in I still had food in my system..

Shit. I just realized I'm not going to be able to do another work out today.. I have to prepare our dinner.

Story of my life

I'm at -13,5 kg again. I'm now exactly were I was last Friday. This weekend I will not fucking gain 3 kg again (and I'm not having my period again so it will not be that hard).. I've been on a 30 minute walk/run today. My condition suck, I can run like 100 meters.. Fuck. But I'm taking this running thing seriously so I'm giving up smoking. I'm planning to go for another "run" tonight.

I've not been eating anything yet today. But I'm hungry as hell so I'll do a workout at home after this post. P will be gone all night, so I don't have to eat anything at all. I probably will, anyway.. I don't want to eat either, because I'm quite sad today, because it's a year since I graduated high school with pneumonia.. I missed my fucking graduation which is a really big thing for me. I'm still fucking crying over it.. 

It rained on my graduation.. Today the sky is really blue and it's really hot outside. What? No, I'm not bitter! Ugh...

stupid..

I haven't been posting in a few days because I've been busy eating. Yeah.. Last friday I actually was down to 183 lbs (YES, I'm a fucking wale) but monday at weigh in I was 189 lbs.. Today I'm at 187 but I guess some of it is waterweight since I'm on my period.

And, at weigh in i experienced my first gain (my "official" weigh in is at mondays and before this, the number always was less than the monday before..).

Fasting

Hi guys. I'm still at the same fucking number, but it's about to change. I'm housesitting (well, cat-sitting) my parents house today, alone, so I'm fasting. When I get the opportunity - why not. I have to step it up if I want to get thin before I fucking die.

I finished my last exam for the semester today = vacation for 3 months. Next week I'll start working out for real.

AND I've been having cravings for a couple of weeks now, like all day, every day. I've been craving everything and I've done my best to not give in (did not work that well..), but yesterday I found something that really helped: tea! I'm really happy 'cause not even giving in stopped my cravings for food.

Well, tea-time!

Same old

So.. I'm doing pretty bad on the weightloss.. Either that or my scale is broken, lol. Still stuck on -12 kg. Maybe I've reached a plateu, but I've been busy these last couple of weeks (and still am) and havn't been able to work out as much as I'd like and I've been eating more than I should. Tried to keep it low in calories though.

This is my last week of school for the next 3 monthes, and I have no job to go to, so I'd like to work on my running skills this summer. I really hate being this fat.

the sun is up

I've lost 12 kg. Not almost, I've lost it.

Today I have to go to school. Ate half a grapefruit for breakfast, skipping lunch and I'll have a small piece of dinner. I'm making a large pancake in the oven, most eggwites and skimmed milk, served with sugarfree jam. That will be fine. I counted how many calories I burn while doing nothing, and it was 1700-something so as long as I eat below that I will lose. And 1700 calories seems like A LOT. Especially since I'm trying to have a "high"calorie meal only once a day.

Mostly I cant skip dinner because I'm the one thats cooking at home and P will start to worry if I dont eat. He already is a little worried because I'm so obsessed with my weight and am losing it so fast. But I need to lose. I really do. My BMI is still higher than "normal" so I AM FAT..